Where's home ?

I froze. For the first time in my professional life, I didn't know what to say at a sales meeting. Let's back-track a bit.......I've been selling services to hospitals for about 20 years. I've visited more than 1,000 different hospitals; flown the equivalent of 25 times around the Earth; driven another 4 times around it in Hertz rental cars.........you get the picture. In sales, pre-meeting chatter is a social lubricant. It's a required skill of the job. In all modesty, I've always been good at this. "How 'bout them Cowboys", "Whoa......it's been raining a lot hasn't it ?", "Your uncle is a Serbian war criminal ? Mine too ! Maybe they've done a few massacres together !"

And yet, here I was in Oakey Doakey, North Carolina absolutely tongue-tied. The question someone had just asked me was simple. Where's home ? I feel like I'm ethically bound to provide factual answers to questions......at least til the meeting starts. I gave a weak smile and paused.

Hmmm. Let's see. Where IS home ? My brain raced to figure this one out. Home is a place, a domicile. Problem- I don't currently own/rent/occupy a house, condo, or apartment. I'm living out of suitcase in hotels for the next 10 days until my wife and I return to our boat and our year off in the Caribbean.

My brain kept racing- how about an address ? Rats, don't have an actual mailing address now either.

More possible solutions were analyzed.......Where's your job ? That could be home ! While the Advisory Board Company is headquartered in Washington DC, I don't have an office, cube, chair, or even a mug there. I live on the road and visit the office only under threat, usually about twice a year. To put this in perspective, I've spent more time on a camel in the Sahara this year than in my company's office. No, Washington DC definately isn't home.

The possible solutions to this question kept crossing my mind as my dramatic pause lengthened to embarrassing proportions. What about my "people", as they say in the South. Where are my people ? Well, my family doesn't  hail from anywhere coherent either. We're spread out across the East Coast as though we all had 300-mile restraining orders placed on us; Mom is in South Florida, my brother lives in South Carolina, the kids are in Virginia, and my sister hails from NY.  No luck with my people as far as home is concerned.

More desperate solutions were considered. Why not just say I live on a boat in Tortola ? Can't do that. Nobody buys stuff from guys from Tortola. There's a reason you've never heard of JBM (Jamaican Business Machines) or  the Haitian Motor Company. Impossible to get palm trees and cocktails out of their heads if I fess up to that. Keep thinking, damn it.

Finally, the rules engine in my head sputters to life with a proclamation......."For the purposes of inane pre-sales banter with hospital executives, ones place of residence in the US shall be considered to be the last place one did laundry without paying in quarters".  Eureka ! Stayed with the in laws in Cheeseland this past week. That counts.

Finally, I answered the question. "Omro, Wisconsin. How about you ?"

Looking forward to getting back to the boat and beginning our year in the Caribbean.