The Best Defense is Offens (iveness)
Some of you who sail may realize that most of the danger to your boat occurs long after you anchor. That's when drunk yachties, rental-boat admirals, ferries, illiterate fishermen, etc. all come to port and anchor too close to your boat. Winds shift, currents change, squalls arrive and BOOM........boats collide. This happens all the time. So, it's important to stake out your territory and even more important to defend it.
Fortunately, we have a few things going for us aboard L'ORIENT. First of all, we're Americans. Why would that be of benefit ? Well, according to an informal poll (Kirstin and I dining with our friend Sauvignon Blanc), Americans are now in the top-5 of "scary white people". Here are the results we came up with:
1) Serbians- they hold grudges for 400 years, love weapons, and also seem to always be in trouble with Interpol and The Hague.........gotta love them- a consensus #1 seed for sure.
2) Boers- farming in South Africa amongst insects, reptiles, and animals that can kill. Good at rugby, and ran roughshod over much of southern Africa for 100 years with little conscience. Not quite a #1 seed (can't compete with Serbians for consistent genocide) but a strong contender.
3) Aussies- OK, a little too friendly........maybe even soft but they drink a lot and play football without pads. They also love extreme sports where people get hurt.
4) Americans (in a surprise seeding)- The Bush years (whatever your politics) certainly involved a lot of shooting........most foreign folks assume you're packing some heat when they see the red, white and blue. Old Glory gets a #4 seed here.
5) Canadians- I know, they're like polite Americans, but we're thinking they've got some good toughness. They ice fish, kill each other on hockey rinks and endure bitter cold each winter. Canadians get a #5 seed.
Anyway, being an American helps when defending L'ORIENT's anchoring space. The following are actual things I've said to people who have gotten too close and ignored my glare from the bow.
"Hey Einstein, you really think that's a good idea ?"- channeling myself (I'm from NJ). His reply was "Thank you captain, I got this under control". I responded "That's obvious to all of us". He actually left the bay completely.
"If you don't move that boat, you and I are going to have a talk"- channeling Tony Soprano. He moved to the other side of the bay.
"You sail likka the mahn-key,,,,,,,,havva banana mahn-key boy"- said to an Italian boat who ignored more civilized warnings. They moved after this bit.
"Cmon, man.........are you kidding me ? Get the F out of here"- said to a Brit who arrived after dark in a 100 ft boat in already over crowded Gustavia Harbour driving 8 knots past our boat.
"Don't hate the playa...........hate the game"- channeling a gangsta when we get the last anchoring spot and someone else wanted it.
Two other weapons are available to me when intimidation fails. The "A Bomb" is one. That's when we play our ABBA album through our 100 watt speakers (with sub woofer) when a boat is too close. They usually move.
The other is our 10 zillion candle power spotlight. Very useful when a boat approaches at night to blind the captain and terrorize the occupants. They usually veer off quickly because none of them can see. Scary but effective.
Hey, in sailing you're either the hammer or the nail. Badabing badaboom.
Fortunately, we have a few things going for us aboard L'ORIENT. First of all, we're Americans. Why would that be of benefit ? Well, according to an informal poll (Kirstin and I dining with our friend Sauvignon Blanc), Americans are now in the top-5 of "scary white people". Here are the results we came up with:
1) Serbians- they hold grudges for 400 years, love weapons, and also seem to always be in trouble with Interpol and The Hague.........gotta love them- a consensus #1 seed for sure.
2) Boers- farming in South Africa amongst insects, reptiles, and animals that can kill. Good at rugby, and ran roughshod over much of southern Africa for 100 years with little conscience. Not quite a #1 seed (can't compete with Serbians for consistent genocide) but a strong contender.
3) Aussies- OK, a little too friendly........maybe even soft but they drink a lot and play football without pads. They also love extreme sports where people get hurt.
4) Americans (in a surprise seeding)- The Bush years (whatever your politics) certainly involved a lot of shooting........most foreign folks assume you're packing some heat when they see the red, white and blue. Old Glory gets a #4 seed here.
5) Canadians- I know, they're like polite Americans, but we're thinking they've got some good toughness. They ice fish, kill each other on hockey rinks and endure bitter cold each winter. Canadians get a #5 seed.
Anyway, being an American helps when defending L'ORIENT's anchoring space. The following are actual things I've said to people who have gotten too close and ignored my glare from the bow.
"Hey Einstein, you really think that's a good idea ?"- channeling myself (I'm from NJ). His reply was "Thank you captain, I got this under control". I responded "That's obvious to all of us". He actually left the bay completely.
"If you don't move that boat, you and I are going to have a talk"- channeling Tony Soprano. He moved to the other side of the bay.
"You sail likka the mahn-key,,,,,,,,havva banana mahn-key boy"- said to an Italian boat who ignored more civilized warnings. They moved after this bit.
"Cmon, man.........are you kidding me ? Get the F out of here"- said to a Brit who arrived after dark in a 100 ft boat in already over crowded Gustavia Harbour driving 8 knots past our boat.
"Don't hate the playa...........hate the game"- channeling a gangsta when we get the last anchoring spot and someone else wanted it.
Two other weapons are available to me when intimidation fails. The "A Bomb" is one. That's when we play our ABBA album through our 100 watt speakers (with sub woofer) when a boat is too close. They usually move.
The other is our 10 zillion candle power spotlight. Very useful when a boat approaches at night to blind the captain and terrorize the occupants. They usually veer off quickly because none of them can see. Scary but effective.
Hey, in sailing you're either the hammer or the nail. Badabing badaboom.