S/V L'ORIENT

So it is almost October and we have been in Bonaire for slightly over two months. Haven't raised sail or used the main engine for 9 weeks. Some might ask, what the heck do you do everyday sitting in the same place? In the words of the original beach slackers from that fitting sequel to Masterpiece Theatre (Jersey Shore),  - Scuba, Tan, Laundry (or oil change, groceries, vacuum). Here is our typical day -  Our dock at Eden Beach - exchanging tanks 1) Breakfast on boat (usually yoghurt for K, granola for T) 2) Jump in the dinghy and drive over to one of 100 local dive sites- typical dive is 90 minutes underwater.......eels, rays, huge tarpons, weird puffer fish, no sharks yet but it's early. 3) Lunch at Eden Beach (while we exchange tanks at WannaDive and outgas....no, not farting....if your second dive is too soon after your first, unfortunate complications arise such as death from nitrogen poisoning) 4) Back in the dingy to scuba dive at a different site- another

So the other day I'm sitting in the cockpit of our yacht..........a perfect afternoon. The sky is powder blue, just a few puffy white clouds passing by. I've got my Kindle,  a virtually unlimited supply of cold Coke Zero.......even the Dorito food group is "representing" in a bowl next to me. So how could the day get any better ? BZZZZZZZZZZ........I see a small dinghy approaching driven by a bikini-clad twenty-something heading directly for me. I continue reading my book; I'm pretty sure I checked the crew list before we left and this chickie definitely doesn't belong on L'ORIENT. BZZZZZZZZZZ........Now this dinghy is much closer, still heading my way. Hmmm. She must not know how to steer an outboard or something. I'm thinking........sweetie-pie, if you hit my boat with your half-assed dinghy there's going to be big trouble. BZZZZZZZZZZ.......She arrives. Strange chick- "Hello, I am Patrithia........fromma Spain" Kirstin, who w

You don't normally think of Grandma and Grandpa as felons. Poppy and Ami in the big house ? Preposterous............unless your grandparents cruise the Caribbean. Down here, Granny is dirty. Her "sheet" should be ten miles long. She should be doing the perp walk with her perp walker.........Why ? These geriatric cruisers all deal in stolen movies and books. They think it's harmless. Granny - "Kirstin- don't buy that book on Kindle.......I have a CD with 7000 pirated books on it.........I'll loan it to you". Kirstin- "Granny, are you sure ? This doesn't sound legal". Granny- "It's fine........everyone's doing it". Fine, just like the LSD granny did during the "Summer of Love" back in the 60s, no doubt. It's not small potatoes......7000 books multiplied by even $15 per book is over $100,000 in stolen goods, by my math. Based on my years of experience watching Law and Order re-runs on TNT, that

Kirstin and I are among the youngest cruisers; our "friends" here in Bonaire are all retired and in their 60s and 70s. When we were invited to Happy Hour (which is oddly neither), we steeled ourselves beforehand to be knowledgable about issues effecting senior citizens. "Remember, they probably hate Obama and like guns and healthcare". As we tend to get immature when we drink- and trend towards silly..........we put on our oldest gameface and proceeded to the appointed rendezvous point. "Jane thinks she has great boobs". What? I haven't even ordered a cocktail yet, but my senses are telling me a 65 year old woman just trashed a 68 year old behind her back. "We avoid eating with the McArthurs; they just don't know how to act in public. Everyone hates the McArthurs". You get the picture.........happy hour is chock full of what the kids call "frenemies" all attacking each other behind their backs..........it's New Providence

I'm floating with my wife in the Caribbean sea. We're tethered rather tenuously to our dinghy, which is tied to a mooring ball off Bonaire. We're both stylishly dressed in neoprene with huge tanks strapped to us; flippers and masks complete the ensemble...........above us, sky blue with accents of puffy white clouds. As our heads are the only thing above the water, waves wash over us as we prepare.  Our yacht is two miles away is in the distance. Bonaire's downtown just beyond that. Three, two, one, BFFFFFFFFFFFF. We let all the air out of our BCDs (buoyancy control devices; basically vests filled with air). We both sink like a sack of batteries into the ocean........and into another world. Only bubbles mark where we were on the ocean. Under the water, everything gets weird...........a spotted ray swims gracefully past us. Directly underneath us (like 100 ft) is the bottom. It seems like you jumped off a building but are falling in slow motion. The coral heads are e

Ouch, that hurt... We're still moored in Bonaire amid other equally unemployed people looking for ways to make 2 hours of "must do's" fill our 16 hour per day leisure calendar. Our play-dates are often group dives. The neighbors are much more experienced in both diving and where to go in Bonaire, so we've been tagging along with them at times. Yesterday, we had a real treat. We got to see a fish homicide. Richard, the neighbor, is a 68 year old Brit who is actually quite concerned with the health of the reef. An invasive species (the lion fish) has somehow been introduced to the Caribbean and with no natural enemies, is squeezing out other rare fish. In response, Bonaire has allowed divers who complete a course to kill the fish with a hand spear. It's not as easy as it sounds. These fish have 5 inch poisonous spines and hide deep within coral heads. Yesterday, we dove with Richard on one of his "hunts". Not ten minutes into the dive, he had l

...In Sickness and in Health?? Scuba diving everyday has forced us to learn quickly. The ocean is filled with lots of interesting coral and fish.........and some things that appear to be about half of each. Diving involves never straying to far from your "buddy" for safety reasons. You can share air, untangle each other, and generally keep your buddy out of trouble. The difficulty underwater is the obvious one........communication. Everything is done with hand signals. Communicating about things like your remaining air supply, cramps, or general feeling of well-being is critical. More fun than that is pointing out and "discussing" the fish you see. Hand signals are how it all happens. Above the surface, Kirstin making a fist over her stomach means "my pizza didn't agree with me". Under water ? She wants to know how much air I have. In the supermarket, if my wife contorts her hand just so..........it means she's "too legit to quit"

Now that we don't have to worry about what to do with that $2,000 we had lying around- just getting in the way- (scuba equipment), we're spending an average of 90 minutes per day under water. It's an odd paradox...........we spend 2 hours per day on preventive maintenance so our boat won't go to the bottom.........then we jump off the back with 12 lbs of lead and 60 lbs of equipment tied to us.......and go to the bottom anyway. Kirstin has been like an over-sugared child on Christmas day. I start to wake up and have the impression that someone is staring at me. I open my eyes. Someone is staring at me. "Are you awake yet ?" "Uh, yeah- or I'm dreaming that I married this hyperactive scuba diver". She can't get enough of the coral reefs and aquatic life that surround us here. I have to confess- it's pretty cool to swim right next to a 150 pound tarpon or a manta ray. Kirstin's new friend In terms of our styles underwater,