Even the blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut

It was bound to happen.............believe it or not, I had never caught a fish in the ocean despite about 25 hours of trolling one, sometimes two lines. I don't fish all the time because L'ORIENT sails most often at night (so it's dangerous to be on the back of the boat). Daylight during calm seas is the only time we try this. But still..............c'mon man !!!! Zero fish ?

I had tried everything, even emasculating myself and talking to "fish experts" in those red-neck outdoor stores (you know the ones; 10 million square feed dedicated to fishing stuff and bass boats). Anyway, one guy actually suggested a cedar plug with a hook in it. What ? OK, I'm stupid about fishing but not THAT stupid !!! What kind of a fish is dumb enough to bite a piece of wood ? No, I need a life-like looking squid with millions of tentacles and possibly a strobe light. The fishing consultant persisted............."really man, the plug works".


I cannot adequately describe how stupid I felt having paid about $15 for a piece of wood with a big hook in it. I probably paid in cash so I wouldn't have to explain to Kirstin why this was a good deal.

So yesterday between Turks and Caicos and the Dominican Republic I try again. Two lines out. One has the super-squid on it (no strobe but very yummy looking). Just as a goof, I put out the wooden plug on the other line.

That was about the level of our preparations. Since I had never caught a fish at sea, I had not planned at all beyond the casting of the lines.

Anyway, Bamm !!!! The rail where we tied the cuban reel starts to vibrate. We both looked backwards toward the stern and the starboard trawling line was all the way on the port side. Something big on the line. The unthinkable had happened. A dorado had bitten the cedar plug !!!! Shazamm !!!

Then, panic set in..................OK, what now ? I quickly organized my thoughts. OK, need bring it in, kill it, then somehow figure out where the fillet is. I had seen this done once (but from a distance). Looked easy, and watching from afar had the added benefit of keeping my hands from getting smelly.

It actually took us about 10 minutes to get everything we needed and we strode to the back. The fish was still on the hook (amazing). So, I put on my brand new 4 year old fishing gloves (never thought I'd use these). I hand reeled the fish up to the boat. Both the fish and I were tired after this effort. For all I knew he had been on the hook being dragged by L'ORIENT for 20 minutes.

So now the fun started. I muscled him out of the water and on to the back deck. It was a 48 inch dorado. I wasn't sure how to kill him. In my head, I somehow thought he'd just take one final gasp and die like people do in the movies. He thrashed and bucked (and was bleeding a bit......gross !!). I didn't let go though, and Kirstin, being more practical implored me to hang on. "Don't let go........that's Mahi Mahi for 3-4 nights !!!" Kirstin then got the gaff and controlled the fish by spearing him through the gills. Love a woman who looks great in heels but can man up when we're in a brawl.

Then I remembered that alcohol kills fish............Kirstin got a bottle of cheap gin and I shoved it down his mouth, emptying the contents............"here's to you, dude". Anyway, he died immediately, but not before actually belching out a small fish that was probably his last meal. Lesson for you,  Mr. Dorado..........what goes around comes around. Then, I got out our old, dull filleting knife that had been rusting amongst the other fishing tools. For some reason, I cut off his tail thinking this was an important thing to do...............all it did was cause a torrent of dorado blood to flood the area. Hmmm...........that was pretty pointless. Then, I got to work in earnest. Needless to say that the dull knife didn't allow me to do much more than a real hack-job on this fish. We removed two meals worth of meat from him but it was tough...........I'm really not that good at this kind of surgery and the fish was making it harder because he was watching me the whole time with those dead eyes. Spooky.

So then, I committed his tail and mutilated carcass to the deep. Then washed off the guts.......or tried. We looked like some kind of crime scene arriving at Samana. But now Kirstin and I are among friends (we were here in 2012) and they no better than to ask. "Look Juan...........those crazy yanquis are back !!!"