Rasputin lives...........(next door)

You meet all kinds of people while cruising. Most are wonderful..........some not so much..........and the occasional few "situations" you encounter leave you dumb-struck.

Meet the Hansons. They live on the boat moored next to us here in Bonaire. Phil Hanson is 57, fairly fit, and quite active. His wife- let's call her Audrey- is 73. All you need to know about Audrey is that she drops the F-bomb a lot, and has been described by others as vulgar, boorish, abhorrent, classless, tasteless, and trampy (OK, she wears a string bikini at 73). You can't live 25 ft away from people without talking occasionally.......so we got to know them. What a trip. Here's the deal (I feel like Kathy Griffin taking you inside a B-list Hollywood event !!!)

In 2002, Phil was 47 and was basically a completely broke private jet pilot. Audrey, then only 63 hires him to fly her to Florida. She becomes quite smitten with the dashing (yet broke) Phil.  She's loaded because her much, much older husband just died and left her millions. Phil makes a deal with the devil. If he marries her it's instant retirement.......how long can Audrey live, afterall ? She smokes heavily, drinks like a fish........she was even arrested for disorderly conduct in 2001. Slam dunk, right ?

Well, its October of 2012. Phil has a chronic hacking cough we can hear clearly on our boat........lung cancer or pneumonia, take your pick. Audrey scuba dives and now kite boards. The other day, Phil gave her lessons. Her safety release apparently malfunctioned (where were you, Phil ?) and this 73 year old woman was dragged by 25 knot winds through big waves for over 3 minutes........boom, boom, boom.......her head and body being smashed against the waves.......until she got help (not from Phil). Is she OK ? She spits out the ten gallons of sea water she inhaled, laughs, and is ready for more. "I'm too mean to die", she quips. "Phil, help me find my thong".

Hey, in life you're either the hammer or the nail. Be careful what you wish for.