And the Port-TV award for best actor in a disaster is.......
One reason we don't miss TV is that we have Port-TV. What's that ? We get to watch boaters (experienced and otherwise) maneuver their boats in tight places, anchor, and make lots of mistakes while doing this. It's a participative medium...........we've starred in a few episodes as well.
Yesterday may have been the best since we left Annapolis last year. I'll set the stage- French rental catamaran.........captained by "Pierre", a 30-something chain smoker with an elvis-bouffant. He's 5'6, or about 5'10 with the hair. Also on the boat are 3 french hotties in bikinis (you know the kind- they have that cool, disaffected attitude towards everything and everyone). Also, two dudes............they aren't wearing speedos, but have that peculiar European body type that's completely devoid of muscle.........good candidates for sex-change operations, as they kind of look like chicks now.
Anyway, Captain Pierre tries to get his rental boat into a tight place. A little too tight. He runs over a large line floating in the water. It wraps around one of his propellers and kills the engine. Now he's screwed. He's about 3 ft from a cement wall, can't maneuver his boat (which he doesn't own), and he's right in front of a restaurant crowded with viewers (read: witnesses).
Pandemonium breaks out on the boat, as it floats inexorably towards the cement wall and big-time damage, his engine dead as the mahi I'm enjoying while I watch. The hotties are all screaming at him.......no doubt with helpful advice like, "Why are you such a screw-up, Pierre"..........his girlfriend probably changing her facebook status real-time. Two guys on powerboats try to help.........but with Pierre getting yelled at by everyone, these "helpers" end up taking lines and pulling the catamaran in opposing directions..........kind of a tug of war. No doubt they'll both ask for money later.
Now the hotties spring into action. One is helpfully wielding a large bread knife off the back of the boat. We think at first she's providing "incident security" but then figure out she's trying to use the knife to cut the rope off the prop. Honey, the prop is under the water. Nuff said. The other two hotties then take broomsticks at attempt to push the 27 ton boat away from the solid cement wall. As everyone knows, French hotties smoke to stay thin. They don't even work out. No chance of that working, even if they were Germans.
Then, 3 of his crew jump off opposing ends of the boat to snorkel on the situation..........one using a fluorescent pink snorkel and mask made for a child (you can't make this up). Now with people in the water, we hope he realizes that he can't turn on his other engine to try to avoid the wall. More lines thrown in the water..........more people screaming. All this scene needed were mimes and jugglers on unicycles. Two nearby boats abruptly left the dock before it's too late.
After about half an hour (and 3 drinks for us), he's able to tie his boat back to the dock. Who knows how much damage. I thought briefly about adding my helpful advice.................."Boy, you really F---Ked up". Anyway, it kept us entertained for a while.
Yesterday may have been the best since we left Annapolis last year. I'll set the stage- French rental catamaran.........captained by "Pierre", a 30-something chain smoker with an elvis-bouffant. He's 5'6, or about 5'10 with the hair. Also on the boat are 3 french hotties in bikinis (you know the kind- they have that cool, disaffected attitude towards everything and everyone). Also, two dudes............they aren't wearing speedos, but have that peculiar European body type that's completely devoid of muscle.........good candidates for sex-change operations, as they kind of look like chicks now.
Anyway, Captain Pierre tries to get his rental boat into a tight place. A little too tight. He runs over a large line floating in the water. It wraps around one of his propellers and kills the engine. Now he's screwed. He's about 3 ft from a cement wall, can't maneuver his boat (which he doesn't own), and he's right in front of a restaurant crowded with viewers (read: witnesses).
Pandemonium breaks out on the boat, as it floats inexorably towards the cement wall and big-time damage, his engine dead as the mahi I'm enjoying while I watch. The hotties are all screaming at him.......no doubt with helpful advice like, "Why are you such a screw-up, Pierre"..........his girlfriend probably changing her facebook status real-time. Two guys on powerboats try to help.........but with Pierre getting yelled at by everyone, these "helpers" end up taking lines and pulling the catamaran in opposing directions..........kind of a tug of war. No doubt they'll both ask for money later.
Now the hotties spring into action. One is helpfully wielding a large bread knife off the back of the boat. We think at first she's providing "incident security" but then figure out she's trying to use the knife to cut the rope off the prop. Honey, the prop is under the water. Nuff said. The other two hotties then take broomsticks at attempt to push the 27 ton boat away from the solid cement wall. As everyone knows, French hotties smoke to stay thin. They don't even work out. No chance of that working, even if they were Germans.
Then, 3 of his crew jump off opposing ends of the boat to snorkel on the situation..........one using a fluorescent pink snorkel and mask made for a child (you can't make this up). Now with people in the water, we hope he realizes that he can't turn on his other engine to try to avoid the wall. More lines thrown in the water..........more people screaming. All this scene needed were mimes and jugglers on unicycles. Two nearby boats abruptly left the dock before it's too late.
After about half an hour (and 3 drinks for us), he's able to tie his boat back to the dock. Who knows how much damage. I thought briefly about adding my helpful advice.................."Boy, you really F---Ked up". Anyway, it kept us entertained for a while.