I've got the magic in me.............
The other night at dinner with our geriatric cohort, the talk of the table was the Coast Guard. Everyone told their horror stories involving their boats being torn apart by the USCG and the coast guards of the small banana republics they've visits. I proudly (and prematurely) announced that L'ORIENT had never been boarded by the Coast Guard........even despite close encounters with a US attack submarine and a Dutch guided missile frigate.
The very next morning, as I'm sitting in the cockpit...........knock, knock, knock. I look over. The Dutch Coast Guard is here !!! Four guys complete with bad-ass uniforms, guns, everything.
Dutch Coast Guard- "Sir, may we come aboard ?"
Tom- "I'm not sure this is truly a multiple choice question. Can I go downstairs to make sure my wife has clothes on ?"
Dutch Coast Guard- (turning beet-red) "OK"
Tom- "OK- she's got clothes on. It's OK to come aboard".
Tom- "Aren't you supposed to ask me if I have weapons on board ?"
Dutch Coast Guard- "Do you have weapons on board ?"
Tom- "No"
They asked for boat papers, proof of insurance, etc. We keep our boat's papers in good order, so I think they were impressed. They actually seemed a bit confused as to what to do next...........kind of like consultants without a work plan.
Tom- "Do you guys want to look around the boat ?"
Dutch Coast Guard- (all looking at themselves.........kind of like, Shit- that's a hassle) "OK, show us around"
One guy walks forward and takes a quick look around. He quickly returns to the cockpit, fully satisfied that our boat does indeed have a bow. The other guy (I think he's the leader) walks toward the aft cabin.....our bedroom. I follow him. He looks in and sees our bed made and Kirstin's folded underwear on the table.
Tom- "Yeah, this is where the magic happens"
Dutch Coast Guard- (laughing and turning beet red) "I think we're done here".
As they were leaving, Kirstin and I took some pictures..........I even asked them if they'd draw their guns and do some Dirty Harry poses.............they politely declined. So much for being boarded. Like all good guests, they left quickly and politely. That wasn't bad at all.
The very next morning, as I'm sitting in the cockpit...........knock, knock, knock. I look over. The Dutch Coast Guard is here !!! Four guys complete with bad-ass uniforms, guns, everything.
Dutch Coast Guard- "Sir, may we come aboard ?"
Tom- "I'm not sure this is truly a multiple choice question. Can I go downstairs to make sure my wife has clothes on ?"
Dutch Coast Guard- (turning beet-red) "OK"
Tom- "OK- she's got clothes on. It's OK to come aboard".
Tom- "Aren't you supposed to ask me if I have weapons on board ?"
Dutch Coast Guard- "Do you have weapons on board ?"
Tom- "No"
They asked for boat papers, proof of insurance, etc. We keep our boat's papers in good order, so I think they were impressed. They actually seemed a bit confused as to what to do next...........kind of like consultants without a work plan.
Tom- "Do you guys want to look around the boat ?"
Dutch Coast Guard- (all looking at themselves.........kind of like, Shit- that's a hassle) "OK, show us around"
One guy walks forward and takes a quick look around. He quickly returns to the cockpit, fully satisfied that our boat does indeed have a bow. The other guy (I think he's the leader) walks toward the aft cabin.....our bedroom. I follow him. He looks in and sees our bed made and Kirstin's folded underwear on the table.
Tom- "Yeah, this is where the magic happens"
Dutch Coast Guard- (laughing and turning beet red) "I think we're done here".
As they were leaving, Kirstin and I took some pictures..........I even asked them if they'd draw their guns and do some Dirty Harry poses.............they politely declined. So much for being boarded. Like all good guests, they left quickly and politely. That wasn't bad at all.
