Life in Happy Acres.........

Help...........we've fallen and we can't get up...........(or out, as the case may be). Our cool German posse has left us. Joern and Nata...........(back in Hamburg). Alex and Addie............on their way to Panama. What's left for us ? Our retirement home friends.

Old folks love structure, routines, and hierarchy. "Oh, Tom and Kirstin............we didn't see you at happy hour", said in a accusatory fashion..............made us feel like we skipped Algebra in high school.

Thinking of missing pizza night ? Think again. "We assume we'll see you at the restaurant.........maybe a little rummy cube after ?" Ahhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!

The regimentation is absurd. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday we have to be at the bar for Happy Hour. It's at 5:30.............don't be late !!!! It's not even fun because it's compulsory. I feel like a guy holding a cup in the fertility clinic waiting room..........."Glad to see you're on time, Tom". 

The thing is, these 60 and 70 somethings are all in a feeding frenzy. They've been cruising together for 6 -7 years. They all know each other's stories. They have heard all the cruising bullshit.......the opinions, the quips........everything. We're like the hot new girl who shows up at high school in September. Ohhhh! Sit by me ! Be my friend !

Getting some alone time has been difficult these days............our boat is moored right among these old folks. Like we live in a floating closet 20 feet away. They know when we wake up.........where we go........what we eat..........it's a bit creepy. And all the advice ! "How much did you pay for those canned beans ? You know they're 6 cents cheaper in town." 

"Who gives a shit, you old coot ! Don't we get credit for getting to the Carib 50 years before you did ?"

There is one small exception. Kenneth. He's like 74 and very typically British. Doesn't have an ounce of fat on him. Dives every day. Penchant for understatement. Don't believe me ? Two days ago, Kenneth is working on his solar panel and accidentally sticks his hand into his wind generator. Imagine a huge, powerful fan with spinning blades about 18 inches long. Chop, chop, chop. He told us, "Looking right into the inside of my hand gave me quite a start..............the blood was a bit of a problem". He went to the hospital, they glued him back together, and he was diving again the next day..........."Don't want to make too much of it, right ?" 

In the middle of our geriatricapocalpyse- all of a sudden, deliverance..................a boat called "Skye" moors close by. A youngish, very attractive couple on board. You know how we all see what we want to see? Kirstin looks at the woman and sees a yoga and walking partner...........I see a football watching buddy in the guy........we go over to them, intending to invite them to happy hour..............

Tom- Hey, we'd love to buy you a drink at the bar.

Dude- Oh, sorry........we're leaving for Curacaou tomorrow.

Tom- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Anyway, we'll get by. Just a little snarky. This still beats BWI's security line in the Southwest Airlines Terminal.