The Wacky Factor
Our vision of sailing for a year was one of perfect sunsets, dinners on the water, and making new sailing friends. I guess I assumed they'd be ruling class Brits driving Oyster 70s (a preposterously expensive boat) and we'd sup gin and tonics while their hired crew waited on us hand and foot. "Tom, you really must try the Bordeaux........1895 was a particularly good year".
Well, it hasn't actually turned out this way.The sunsets and dinners have been great. The problem has been with the people we've met. Perhaps it's just bad luck out of the starting gate. It's funny, but when you give the mentally ill a boat they become "cruisers". Case in point- I"m working on a boat project at 8:30 AM when I hear "knock-knock-knock" on my hull. At first I think it's Kirstin (she has one peculiar guy-like tendency......when something doesn't work she hits it). The noise persists and I discover a woman in a rowboat (no outboard) hanging on to our boat. "Can I help you ?" was all I could think of. "I wanted to come say hello.........."I'm Susan from that boat over there (called Suzie Q)". She's kind of a brute so I'm thinking she might wrestle professionally under that name. But no matter............I invite her and Mr. Suzie Q over for drinks. "We don't drink but we'll be over at 6:00 PM". Immediate alarm bells........warning, warning........AA folks ahoy........maybe even that religion from Footloose or something.
They arrive and the normal Suzie was replaced by an imposter. "Kirstin has nice legs". Hmmm. I don't have anything in my playbook for when a guy's wife makes a comment like that. Awkward silence. The sound of waves lapping against the hull. OK- moving right along. Next thing we know, they're bearing their souls.............he's 70..........he got divorced and found a 28 year Vietnamese girl old to date.........then married Suzie Q.............started lecturing me on how to live my life (even though his is kind of a mess)..........calls my boat "a circus" (hey, dude.......at least my toilet isn't currently on the kitchen table).
Anyway, my only passive aggressive fun was in telling him how broke we are. "Yeah, after Dad got Alzheimers we cashed in his pension.....heck, he doesn't even know who he is so I figured he wouldn't miss the money. We've only got $100 bucks of that left. Then I guess we'll call Uncle Joe and see if he's got any money. I doubt it though because his parole officer has been all over him."
You get the picture. We couldn't wait to get them off the boat and we moved it within the anchorage the next day. Nigel, where are you ?
Well, it hasn't actually turned out this way.The sunsets and dinners have been great. The problem has been with the people we've met. Perhaps it's just bad luck out of the starting gate. It's funny, but when you give the mentally ill a boat they become "cruisers". Case in point- I"m working on a boat project at 8:30 AM when I hear "knock-knock-knock" on my hull. At first I think it's Kirstin (she has one peculiar guy-like tendency......when something doesn't work she hits it). The noise persists and I discover a woman in a rowboat (no outboard) hanging on to our boat. "Can I help you ?" was all I could think of. "I wanted to come say hello.........."I'm Susan from that boat over there (called Suzie Q)". She's kind of a brute so I'm thinking she might wrestle professionally under that name. But no matter............I invite her and Mr. Suzie Q over for drinks. "We don't drink but we'll be over at 6:00 PM". Immediate alarm bells........warning, warning........AA folks ahoy........maybe even that religion from Footloose or something.
They arrive and the normal Suzie was replaced by an imposter. "Kirstin has nice legs". Hmmm. I don't have anything in my playbook for when a guy's wife makes a comment like that. Awkward silence. The sound of waves lapping against the hull. OK- moving right along. Next thing we know, they're bearing their souls.............he's 70..........he got divorced and found a 28 year Vietnamese girl old to date.........then married Suzie Q.............started lecturing me on how to live my life (even though his is kind of a mess)..........calls my boat "a circus" (hey, dude.......at least my toilet isn't currently on the kitchen table).
Anyway, my only passive aggressive fun was in telling him how broke we are. "Yeah, after Dad got Alzheimers we cashed in his pension.....heck, he doesn't even know who he is so I figured he wouldn't miss the money. We've only got $100 bucks of that left. Then I guess we'll call Uncle Joe and see if he's got any money. I doubt it though because his parole officer has been all over him."
You get the picture. We couldn't wait to get them off the boat and we moved it within the anchorage the next day. Nigel, where are you ?